"What if" seems to have been my phrase of choice lately. There are a LOT of big things happening! There are temple trips and wedding plans, there is schooling to consider, there are housing options to scout out, and somehow in the midst of that I'm supposed to keep afloat long enough to be giddy and happy with all the changes (say what?) It's been pretty easy to find myself thinking about the different paths in my life that brought me to where I'm at, and how easily I could have ended up somewhere else if I had chosen only a few things differently.
So in the midst of all my "what if" musings, I had a rather frank discussion with my fiancé. I reluctantly started out with a few of the less-important what ifs, then before I knew it all the hard questions and deep dark fears were coming to the surface.
After a moment's pause, this wonderful man - who still wants to marry me after moments like these - abandoned his attempts to make me laugh via silly faces and told me something I won't soon forget. I wish I could remember exactly what he said, but a paraphrase will have to do:
"I've had time to think over things in the past and wonder what my life would be like if I had taken different paths. I am very happy with the way my life is right now and the direction it's going. I may have thought of where I'd be if things were done differently, but I've never wondered "what if?" because I love where I am, and I wouldn't trade that for the world."
This is why I love this man. Instantly all my fears washed away, and I realized that somehow without noticing, I had been stuck fretting about things that really just didn't matter. If we can continue to find happiness every day in our lives regardless of circumstance, then why on earth would we need to bother with "what if"?
So for today, and hopefully for forever, I intend to say goodbye to "what if" and instead embrace the path that has lead me to where I stand today.
So in the midst of all my "what if" musings, I had a rather frank discussion with my fiancé. I reluctantly started out with a few of the less-important what ifs, then before I knew it all the hard questions and deep dark fears were coming to the surface.
After a moment's pause, this wonderful man - who still wants to marry me after moments like these - abandoned his attempts to make me laugh via silly faces and told me something I won't soon forget. I wish I could remember exactly what he said, but a paraphrase will have to do:
"I've had time to think over things in the past and wonder what my life would be like if I had taken different paths. I am very happy with the way my life is right now and the direction it's going. I may have thought of where I'd be if things were done differently, but I've never wondered "what if?" because I love where I am, and I wouldn't trade that for the world."
This is why I love this man. Instantly all my fears washed away, and I realized that somehow without noticing, I had been stuck fretting about things that really just didn't matter. If we can continue to find happiness every day in our lives regardless of circumstance, then why on earth would we need to bother with "what if"?
So for today, and hopefully for forever, I intend to say goodbye to "what if" and instead embrace the path that has lead me to where I stand today.
Okay... so maybe I don't stand here exactly... but a girl can dream, right?
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