One Week Left!

I'm sitting in the temple session. I try my best to follow along with what's happening, but it's still a little confusing. From where I'm sitting at the edge of the room towards the middle seeing up front isn't the easiest, but I have people around me to watch. As we sit down on our seats, a door in the floor between my chair and the wall opens and men dressed in black drag me from my chair. Then there is darkness. The next thing I know I am sitting in a dark room with nothing but a table, 2 chairs, a single light overhead, and a closed door. I am being questioned aggressively about my faith. There is shouting and fists are hitting the table. While I sit in confusion, I finally reach the conclusion that I need to get out. I raise my voice above their voices and shout at them that I knew this was a cult, and to get me the heck out of there. I am going home and never coming back.

No. That doesn't feel right.

I alter my words in their momentary silence and tell them I know the truth of my Savior's and His Father's existence, and I cannot believe the perversion they have made from these simple truths. Again I demand to be removed from the room, but inside I start to wonder if this was a test. Maybe everyone going through for the first time is questioned in such a manner to see if they truly are ready for what lies ahead. Did I just fail this test? Or did I pass, because even under duress I defended my faith? Why isn't anyone letting me out of this room? My dark captors do nothing but stand menacingly, watching me in hostile silence. It's as if they know what I am thinking, and they are waiting for me to come to a conclusion before they continue.

Then a phone rings. I groggily pull myself into an alternate reality and pick up the ringing piece of metal. I can't decide if I'm upset to be awakened early on a Saturday, or if I'm glad to be jogged to a different place. I don't know the number, but I answer anyway.

"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Rebecca?"
"Yes"
"Hi Rebecca, this is the temple matron. I was just calling to see if you had any questions about receiving your endowment this Tuesday?"

I would feel a little silly asking her if they had interrogation rooms under the floorboards, so instead I ask a question regarding technicalities about the time that I luckily remembered my parents had asked me the day before. She apologizes for waking me up, and in the most cheerful and awake voice I can muster I tell her it was no big deal and thanks for calling.


I roll over, but now there is no way I'm getting back to sleep. While I washed my hair, I spent time considering the thoughts, doubts, questions, knowledge, and hope bouncing around in my head. In the midst of these musings, I looked up at the tile on the wall and saw a very distinct outline made of water droplets. Unquestionably, it was a mother holding her baby up in the air, with her head tilted back to look at the child. Instantly I thought of the real reason I'm headed through all of this. I am marrying because this man wants to be a father, and I want to be the one that makes his wish come true. Now, I am not announcing anything (we're not even married yet, people!) but I cannot wait to see his face the first time one of our children is placed into his arms. It scares me a little, to think that I'm supposed to eventually raise a child; when so many questions leave me grasping for unattainable answers how am I supposed to raise a child and answer all of his or her questions?

In the middle of this new set of questions and doubts I look up again at the figure on the tile, but it's changed. Now the arms and body are more solid, less curves. Again, unquestionably, it is this time instead a father holding up that same child. The answer to my question didn't really reach my understanding until just now, but the answer is simple. We'll do it together. It won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it because we'll have each other to hold onto for support, to laugh and to cry, and to celebrate our successes.

I'm pretty sure if that dream had continued for much longer Nick would have busted through the door and pulled me from that dark room, because that's how it works. The Black Temple Ninjas will just have to find someone else, because I've got someone worth holding onto that has my back.