Alright. So, it looks like it's been abotu 10 days since I wrote on here last. Not TOO much has happened in that week and a half. Okay, that's a lie.
I came back to Provo the 15th, and ALMOST made it to church. I woke up not feeling well, and had to call it off.
I headed back to work the Wednesday after that, and leasing season had started without waiting for me! The Glenhood is back in business, and open for resale! It makes me a little nervous heading into the leasing season this early (none of us have been here for this part) but hopefully it will go smoothly. We had a 3 hour training meeting about the new changes, and I've spent a few hours going over the new contract making sure I know it backwards and forwards. I still need to do some more memorization, but I'm feeling good about it!
I had my final doctor's appointment on Friday. I had to wait 45 minutes for him to come see me, but for the 5 minutes he was there it was pleasant. He told me it looked like I was healing the way I was supposed to be, and that I was good to go! One bummer tho, I asked him about the whole hurts-when-I-yawn thing, and he said that could last for up to 6 months. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to start going to bed on time. Or... not...
Saturday was a little crazy. I work one Saturday a month, and despite the talk of how slow Saturdays were for everyone else, my day was insane! I ended up going on 6 or 7 tours, and signing on 23 people. That translated to an 8 hour workday instead of a 4 hour workday, but I'm glad we're filling up! If we get that many contracts every day, we could be completely full in about a month's time. That would be FANTASTIC!
This past week has been a weird one, relationship-wise. Earlier in the week, I was having major second thoughts. I warned Justin ahead of time that it would usually happen. (I have a tendency to get 2 or 3 weeks into a relationship, then freak out and back out.) So when it did, I talked to him about it. He didn't really know what to say, which didn't really help my lack of the ability to explain myself. I found myself questioning a lot of things just about how compatible the two of us are. After we "talked" for a bit, we just kinda went on life-as-usual. Not really what I was looking for.
The next day, he came over for a bit. I told him I was really tired and wanted to take a nap, thinking he would leave. Instead he just turned the lights off and sat on the couch next to me. I hit that point where I was too tired to move or respond to anything around me, but I was still conscious when I heard him say "Becca, are you still awake?"..... "I love you. Maybe I did it too soon, but you are amazing."
Well... a couple days later, after he dropped me off for the night, I had a total meltdown. I don't remember the last time I sobbed before then, but it was intense. The worst part of it was that I had no idea what exactly it was that was bugging me, so there was no way I could fix it. I just knew it had something to do with the whole dating justin thing, but that is pretty vague. So Lauren called her boyfriend over (my home teachers were already asleep) and he and his roommate gave me a blessing. I have always been a huge fan of blessings and the guidance they bring, but this time during the blessing I found myself thinking "WHY... WHY are you saying that?!" I was basically told that Justin is a good guy with good intentions, and that the Lord trusts my decision. I was also told that this relationship had the potential to "blossom"... whatever that means. I was also told to be faithful in my church calling. Random... had nothing to do with the problem. Probably means it's important.
So.. I was left with really no direction, but to just kinda go with it and hope for the best. I don't do well with vague instructions... but I guess it'll be an exercise in faith.
Then this week Justin and I spent a LOT of time together... and I was starting to go into overload. He insisted on a walking tour of BYU campus Friday night, then we went stargazing after that. Then Saturday we went to a Living Legends preformance. (That was actually very, very awesome. It was basically a history of the people put into traditional dances from the Americas and from the pacific islands. Very, very awesome.) After the preformance we were supposed to go play games with his roommate and his girlfriend. I told Justin I was burned out from working 8 hours all day and being up late the night before, and he just took me home.
After he left I woke Brittany up and we (and be "we" I mean "I", because she fell asleep) watched Finding Nemo. Then I learned how to play poker. It was so refreshing! The whole time I was just thinking about how on Earth I was going to tell Justin he needs to back off and let me live a life independant of him, but still date him. Yeah, that doesn't even make sense on here, there's no way I could explain it to him. So I was kinda just expecting the worst to come of it, and expecting a major speed bump in the relationship road to come next time I saw him. INSTEAD... he shows up at 1 in the morning (after texting to see if I was awake) and asks if we can talk. He tells ME that he thinks he's been taking too much of my time, and apologizes. We kinda came up with a few "solutions" but everything's totally just kinda hangin right now, it's an odd sensation
You know when you're in a car, and the driver stops at an intersection so smoothly you can't tell the car has stopped? You keep waiting for the kickback and it never happens? It's a little unsettling. This kid needs to learn how to be a little rougher with his break pedal. As much as smooth sailing is supposed to be a good thing, I crave the adrenaline you get when you take a speed bump just a little too fast. That stomach-up-in-your-chest sensation. That's where life is. I live for the energy of the moment, and it's a little odd having an even keel all the time.
Odd=/=bad. It's just different.
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